


and i'm counting the steps to the door of your heart

by thenewromantics



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Finn going to school and becoming a teacher, basically au post s4 if finn hadn't died, lots of friendships and then finchel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23423158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewromantics/pseuds/thenewromantics
Summary: Determined to finally become more than just a Lima Loser, Finn embarks on the scariest journey he's ever encountered, college. Between trying to navigate a whole new world, and his renewed friendship with Rachel, who he definitely is still in love with, the next four years of his life are going to either make him or break him.au post season 4
Relationships: Blaine Anderson & Finn Hudson, Finn Hudson & Kurt Hummel, Quinn Fabray & Finn Hudson, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Sam Evans & Finn Hudson, Tina Cohen-Chang & Finn Hudson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	and i'm counting the steps to the door of your heart

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends!! so this is the first glee fic i'm posting on here and needless to say i'm a little nervous about it. i used to write glee fic back in the day when the show was on, but that was all before i even knew what ao3 was, so bear with me as i try and navigate the glee tag for the first time. i've always wanted to write a fix it fic of sorts that shows what i would have wanted for finn if he had never died, so now that i've rewatched the show recently and am reminded of my love for it AND have all this new found free time on my hands, thought i would give it a try. so, yeah, enjoy! 
> 
> also note: some details from s4 are changed/not included for story purposes, such as brody being a prostitute and finn kissing emma and a lot of plot points aren't mentioned, but like the general plot of finn helping coach new directions and rachel living in new york with kurt and santana are intact.

Really, when it comes down to it, Finn has Sam to thank. 

It’s weird, when he really thinks about it, that this  _ big _ thing that ends up kind of changing the entire course of his life, comes from an offhand comment. Like, one minute he’s standing in the choir room after school with Sam and Blaine and the next he, like,  _ knows _ what he wants to do with his life, for basically the first time ever. 

(Well, not  _ really _ the first time, because he definitely knew that he wanted to marry Rachel, and hell he still knows that, but this feels different.) 

And you know what? It feels fucking  _ awesome _ . Finn’s always been envious of pretty much everyone around him, especially around people like Rachel and Kurt who have always been so sure of themselves and their futures. He never felt that, but now he totally does. 

“Dude, you should like, totally do this for a living.” Sam says the words around a dorito, nacho cheese dust flying all over the piano, which the three of them are standing around. Finn smirks, knowing that Brad will  _ totally _ give Sam the stink eye tomorrow during rehearsal. In fact, he’s so amused thinking about it that he almost totally misses what Sam says. 

“What do you mean?” Finn asks, eyebrows furrowing together. Sam smiles, scoffing like it’s obvious and Blaine has a similar grin on his face. “I should stand around a piano for the rest of my life?” 

He’s mostly kidding, but he’s also kind of not because he really doesn’t know what Sam is talking about. 

“This.” Sam gestures wildly, picking up the sheet music Finn has out in front of him. He had been trying to figure out which one would fit the club best for regionals, and Blaine and Sam had been  _ trying _ to help, emphasis on trying because really Blaine was just telling Finn what songs  _ he  _ liked and Sam was saying he liked everything. “Teaching music, or at least like running a glee club. Dude, it’s like, your calling.” 

Blaine chuckles, nodding his head and Finn raises an eyebrow skeptically. He had never really considered himself the kind of guy who had a  _ calling _ , mainly because he had never really had anything that he was super good at. Maybe teaching is what he was good at. He smiles. 

“Sam’s right, I think you would be an awesome music teacher.” Blaine says excitedly, Sam practically jumping next to him. “You should totally look into it, because let’s face it Finn, as much as we all love having you here, we’d love even more to see you lead your own club.” 

“And then we’d get to totally kick your ass.” Sam adds with a smirk and the three boys all laugh. 

“I don’t know…” Finn says that all too familiar bubble of nerves spreading throughout his body. 

Sam claps him on the shoulder, giving him an encouraging smile, still bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Listen, Blaine and I aren’t gonna tell you what to do, right dude?” Blaine nods, chuckling at Sam’s excitement. “But, I really think that this is what you were like, made to do.”

The encouraging words hover in Finn’s ears, when he had started helping out with glee club he had never thought that he would like it this much and he certainly had never thought it could be what he did for the rest of his life. But, he did  _ really  _ like it and it would be cool to maybe run his own club someday and like teach kids how to read music and play instruments. 

“You’ve always said you wanted to get out of Lima, right?” Sam shrugs, raising his eyebrows. “I think you might have just found your golden ticket.” 

Now that was something Sam definitely had a point with. While Finn didn’t consider himself a Lima Loser (yet, at least), he would probably start if he was stuck just being Mr. Schue’s assistant for the rest of his life. 

Yeah, he  _ really  _ wanted to get out here, and he thinks that Sam is right, this seems like the perfect way to do it. 

* * *

Turns out that applying to college is actually like, way more intense, then Finn thought it was. 

Last year he had really only applied one place, which the more research he does the more he realizes that putting all of his eggs in one basket probably hadn’t been the best idea, and truthfully Rachel had helped him with most of, if not all, of his application. And, weirdly enough, it turns out that applying to college to be a teacher is  _ way  _ different than applying to an acting school. 

Who would have thought?

So yeah, needless to say he does things differently this time around. First off, he doesn’t like, tell anyone about it, except for Blaine and Sam, who practically jump him the day after their conversation in the choir room and bombard him with questions about whether or not he’s gonna do what they said. 

“So.” Sam says, holding his books to his chest and widening his eyes at Finn. “You gonna do it? Are you gonna go get a job as the director of a rival glee club so we can kick your ass at Nationals?” 

Finn chuckles, mainly because they haven’t even competed at Regionals yet but also because he’s pretty sure that it doesn’t work like that. If it does then this whole teaching thing is gonna be way easier than he thought, but he’s pretty sure he has to like, go to college first. Especially if he wants to be like an actual teacher and not just a glee director, which he’s pretty sure he does. 

“I don’t think it’s that simple.” Blaine says, putting his hand on Sam’s shoulder. “But, seriously did you think about it?” 

Truthfully, Finn had thought about it pretty much all night. His mom and Burt had been out of town, Burt had some event in Columbus that day so he had been alone, and it had been hard for him to think about pretty much anything else. 

And honestly, the whole thing was kind of super overwhelming but also kind of super exciting.

He doesn’t give them an answer though, just kind of shrugging and telling them to get to class (which is something Finn weirdly likes doing, he’s not like power hungry or anything but it’s always funny to tell his former classmates to get to class, when he gets to go to the teachers lounge or Mr. Schue’s office). That night, however, he goes home and prints out applications to like 20 different colleges and hides them under his bed so his mom won’t ask him about them. 

It’s not that he’s embarrassed or anything, but he would rather not tell anyone just in case it all, like, totally blows up in his face. 

Secondly, he feels a lot more confident this time around than he did last year. Yeah, he’s still totally terrified but at least now he kind of knows what he’s doing. Acting school had been a pretty far off pipe dream, a one in a million kind of thing, but teaching school that was like totally doable. Plenty of people go to school and end up being teachers, there wouldn’t be as many schools out there if there weren’t teachers to fill them. 

Plus, now that he thought about it, acting had been a pretty ridiculous aspiration considering the only experience he had was Brad, which didn’t even really count because the show hadn’t actually even happened. But teaching, he like totally has experience. Sure, he doesn’t know how to write lesson plans or anything like that but he at least, like, kind of knows what he’s doing. 

The whole process is still really intense though. 

Turns out that he needs to write like five different essays and send in all these test scores and ask people for recommendation letters. The last part kind of scares him because he doesn’t know how many teachers outside of Mr. Schue would actually say something nice about him, but he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it. 

He pushes through though, if there’s anything that he learned from being around Rachel and Kurt, it’s that giving up when things get hard isn’t gonna get him anywhere. Sure, applying for college totally terrifies him and that oh so familiar fear of failing crawls up his spine every time he thinks about it, but he pushes it away. 

Because he’s gonna go to college, he’s gonna be a teacher and he’s gonna get out of this town. 

(And he’s gonna finally be the man that Rachel always believed he could be). 

* * *

In the end, he decides to apply to six different schools. 

He still hasn’t told his mom, or Mr. Schue (who’s back from his honeymoon with Ms. P, therefore Finn is back to being the assistant director, which he would be more upset about if it didn’t give him more time to focus on his applications), but Sam and Blaine come over almost every day to help him out. Tina and Artie find out too, and Tina tells him about all these scholarships that she had heard about and Artie informs him that if he needs a letter of recommendation Artie can  _ definitely _ help him out. 

Finn isn’t totally sure what he means, but he’s pretty sure it would get him in trouble if he took Artie up on the offer, so he just smiles and thanks his friend. 

Honestly, having his friends rally around him and help him feels really, really, good. Sure, he always knew these guys were like his family, he had known it since the minute he met all of them, but having them support him and encourage him makes him feel like he can do anything. 

(He won’t lie, though, sometimes it feels weird being friends with Blaine, because of the whole him cheating on Finn’s brother thing, and like you’re supposed to hate the people who cheat on your siblings, right? But, in all fairness, Kurt is  _ living _ with the woman who Finn almost married, so he figures it all evens out in the end). 

It’s the four of them who are sitting around him in the choir room when he reads his finalized list. Ohio University, Miami University (which is, to Finn’s slight disappointment, not in Florida), University of Toledo, Kent State, University of Cincinnati and Ohio State. He’s nervous about applying to Ohio State, mainly because of everything that happened last year with Cooter and football, but they have a good program and he loves the Buckeyes. 

“Finn, that list is awesome. I’m sure you’ll get into every single one.” Tina tells him with a smile, and Finn knows she’s telling the truth. He doesn’t know if he agrees with her, honestly he’s not sure he’ll get into any of them, let alone all of them, but he appreciates her confidence in him

“My uncle went to Kent State,” Blaine says, giving him a wide grin, “he’s not a teacher, but I know he loved it here. He’s always talking about how much of a stud he was in college.” The five of them chuckle and Finn wonders if he’ll be considered a stud when he’s in college. 

Finn had never really considered himself a stud, sure he was popular enough in high school being the quarterback of the football team, but stuff like being in the glee club and dating Rachel hadn’t exactly done wonders for his rep. Not that he cared about stuff like that though, especially when he realized that he cared way more about what Rachel, Mr. Schue and his friends thought of them then he did the McKinley student body. 

But still, it would be cool to be a stud. Be friends with everyone and get invited to all the parties, probably get a lot of girls. He didn’t really care that much about the last part though, truthfully he was still at the ground level of getting over Rachel, so. 

“Have you sent in any applications yet?” Artie asks, tapping Finn on the leg and pulling his attention back to his friends. Finn shook his head at the question, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. 

“Not yet.” He said, wringing his hands together. “Most of these schools have a pretty late application deadline, though, so I should be fine.” His friends all looked at him, varying levels of agreeance on their faces. “Right?”

Tina immediately nodded, hand grabbing Finn’s shoulder. “Yeah, of course. Most state schools have until April and some of them go even later than that.” She said with a bright smile. Her smile did little to calm Finn’s nerves, but he still returned the grin in earnest. 

The conversation shifted after that, with Artie changing the subject to talk about all the schools that he was applying to and Finn felt bad about being surprised. He had almost forgotten that all his friends here were also applying to colleges and would be just as nervously waiting for results as he was. 

His eyes met Tina’s, who smiled at him. She had gotten in early decision to Brown and had been excitedly talking about for the last couple weeks, and honestly, Finn couldn’t be more proud of her. So far, she was the only senior in glee who knew where she was going to be next year and honestly, it was really cool for Finn to see one of his friends be so close to her dreams like that. 

He could only hope that his friends thought the same way about him. 

* * *

“Finn, honey, what are you doing?” 

Hands freezing over his keyboard, Finn swallowed as he looked over his shoulder. His mom was standing in the doorway of his room, a small smile on her face. She was holding a basket laundry and Finn could hear the washing machine running across the hall. 

He felt like he had been caught doing something wrong, like he was back in high school and his mom busted him for talking to Rachel on the phone when he was supposed to be sleeping, or like he was a kid playing video games past his bedtime. But instead, he was staring at a nearly blank word document, having just deleted most of his latest college application essay draft. 

“Uh…nothing.” His mom raised her eyebrow, seeing right through his lie. He knew that she wouldn’t push him, she was a cool mom like that, but he also knew that he would eventually cave and tell her anyway because he was awful at lying to her. It’s honestly still amazing he kept Quinn’s pregnancy from her as long as he had. 

She nodded after a moment, clearing her throat. “Well, Burt has a late meeting so it’s just the two of us for dinner, so I was thinking of mac and cheese for dinner, does that sound good?” Finn smiled, he had to admit that even though it wasn’t totally cool to still be living with your parents after graduating from high school, he  _ definitely _ loved that he still got to enjoy his mom’s cooking. 

“Yeah, sounds good.” He said, causing her to smile and she turned, likely to go back downstairs, but Finn stopped her. “Hey, mom.” 

“Yeah, sweetie.” 

Finn gulped, suddenly nervous. He didn’t know why though, this was his  _ mom _ for crying out loud. This was the woman who hadn’t even so much as grounded him when he thought he got his girlfriend pregnant, and who had given him more than one pep talk throughout the years. His mom was awesome, and he knew that she would be completely supportive of him, he  _ knew _ that. It didn’t stop him from being totally nervous though. 

“How would you feel if I told you I was applying to colleges.” The words came out fast and quiet and at first Finn wasn’t even sure his mom had heard him. 

“You’re applying to colleges?” His mom asked as she took a step into his room, setting the laundry basket in her arms down on the top of his dresser. “Sweetheart, that’s great.” 

Finn smiled. “Thanks. I’m kinda totally nervous about it, but I think it’s going okay.” He knew that was kind of a lie, considering all he had on his current essay draft was his name. His mom’s hand squeezed his shoulder and he could see tears forming in the corner of her eyes. 

“Do you wanna tell me where you’re applying to? Or are you keeping that for yourself?” She winked at him and Finn chuckled, completely forgetting why he had even been nervous to begin with. 

He shrugged, tilting his head towards The List, which had been pinned to the bulletin board above his desk. At first, the list had shoved in a drawer, but he remembered something Rachel had said once, that if you look at your dream every day, you’re more motivated to accomplish it. 

“I think that is a fine list.” His mom said with a smile, ruffling Finn’s hair, like she used to do when he was younger and she was still taller than he was. “Why do I have a feeling that Sam Evans had something to do with this?” 

Finn chuckled at her question, nodding his head slightly. His mom had always had a soft spot for Sam over a lot of Finn’s other friends, even before he lived with them, and had been more than willing to let him stay with their family the year prior. In fact, he was pretty sure he saw her cry when he told her Sam was moving in with Artie’s family for his senior year. 

“Yeah, weirdly enough it was kind of all his idea. Well, him and Blaine.” His mom bristled slightly at the mention of Blaine and Finn grimaced. She did the same thing when Rachel came up in conversation, which was rare considering Finn avoided talking about her as much as he could, and Finn knew it wasn’t because his mom disliked Blaine, she was just still hurt about what he had done to Kurt. 

The moment passed quickly, however, and Finn’s mom’s smile returned. “Well, they’re good friends, all of those friends of yours are.” Finn nodded his head in agreement, because she was right, his friends were awesome. 

“Well, you can definitely thank them for this. For all of it.” Finn said with a small grin, and his mom tilted her head, eyebrows raised ever so slightly. 

“And I will, but you did plenty of this yourself.” Finn blushed, running his hand through his hair. “You’re the one who decided to listen to them, you’re the one that researched all these schools and picked out the ones you want to apply to. And you’re the one writing that application.” 

“Not very well.” Finn muttered, eyes glancing towards his computer screen. The blank page was practically mocking him. “I’ve tried writing this essay like...five times and haven’t written anything I actually like yet.” 

He groaned, trying hard not to look too pathetic in front of his mom. For what it’s worth, his mom merely shook her head and wrapped her arm around his shoulder. “Well, maybe you just need a little inspiration, some guidance.” 

“Guidance?” Finn questioned, his eyebrows raising. “Mom, I don’t really want to talk to Ms. Pillsbury about this.” 

“I wasn’t talking about Ms. Pillsbury, or even Mr. Schuester.” She gave him a look, lips pursed. “Have you talked to your brother about this?” 

_ Your brother _ . His mom always referred to Kurt like that when she was trying to get Finn to do something for Kurt. It was kinda unfair for her to play the brother card, but it was also effective and Finn sighed. 

“No, and I don’t want to.” He said, and he meant it. If he told Kurt, Kurt would probably tell Rachel and while there wasn’t anything particularly  _ wrong _ with Rachel knowing, he was still weary of her finding out. But, if she knew, she would probably say something to him and he hasn’t talked to her since Valentine’s Day and he doesn’t know if he has it in him to talk to her about this. 

His mom shook her head slightly, “Okay, well, you don’t need to call Kurt, you have plenty of other friends who went to college that you could talk to.” 

Considering her words, Finn nodded, giving her a small smile. He didn’t know if that was true, of his friends that he had graduated with last year, Rachel, Kurt and Quinn were the only ones in college ever since Santana had dropped out. But, maybe his mom had a point. 

She gave him a wide grin, squeezing his shoulder. He took that as an indication that the conversation was over and his mom was leaving the rest to him. 

Looks like he had a phone call to make. 

* * *

Santana sends him a text at the beginning of March telling him Rachel and Brody broke up. She doesn’t give him details and Finn knows she isn’t expecting any kind of response. 

He’s grateful for it, regardless. It’s not like anything Rachel does is his business, but it’s weird not talking to her and knowing what’s going on in her life. Especially considering just a year ago, he was the first person to know every little detail of something that had happened to her. 

And he can’t help but be happy about the news, Brody had given him a bad vibe that totally  _ wasn’t _ just based on his own jealousy. It wasn’t his fault that every guy that Rachel dated was kind of a douche that was practically begging to be hated. 

Finn knows he’s a coward, and that he should just call her, but he can’t bring himself to. Besides, she was the one that left the next morning, and while he gets it and he’s not mad, she should be the one to call him. 

(He still watches his phone every day, waiting for it to ring, even if he knows it won’t.) 

* * *

“Well, well, well, to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing from you?” Finn chuckles as the phone clicks with an answer. 

“Hi, Quinn.” Finn said with a smile, her voice familiar and warm coming from the other end of the phone. He’ll always be grateful that they were able to mend all those fences senior year, even if he was kind of an asshole to her at prom. It was nice to know he could confidently call her a friend. 

Finn hears a ruffling on the other end of the line and a sigh before Quinn speaks again. “Hi, how are you, Finn?” 

“I’m alright, how about you, Quinn? How’s life at Yale?” Finn hasn’t talked to Quinn since the wedding, but he knows she’s probably kicking ass. “Kicking everyone’s asses yet?” 

Quinn laughs, “Oh you know it.” There’s a pause and Finn knows that the gears are turning in Quinn’s brain. There was a reason she had gotten accepted at Yale, she was smart. She knew that there was a reason for his phone call. “So, as happy as I am to be hearing from you Finn, I know there’s a reason for your phone call.” 

“I’m that obvious, huh.” 

“Just a little bit.” Quinn teases and Finn laughs, shaking his head slightly. “But, that’s alright, whatever it is you’re calling for, I’m happy to try and help.” 

He sighs, well, he supposes, it’s now or never. “I’m applying to college.” 

“Oh.” Quinn says, and Finn can practically see her smile on the other end. “Finn, that’s awesome.” 

“Thanks.” Licking his lips, he sighs nervously. “Yeah, I’m excited but I’m also, like, super nervous about it.” He laughs awkwardly, voice trailing off. “Which is kind of the reason that I was calling, not that it’s not super awesome to talk to you.” 

Quinn giggles, high and clear. “I totally get it, I was super nervous applying to college. And I’d love to help, whatever you need me to do.” She pauses and Finn’s leg starts shaking, not sure why he’s still nervous, even though she’d already said she would help. “Why are you calling me? Not that I’m not super flattered, but certainly there are other people you could call.” 

Finn knows what she’s implying. She’s essentially asking why he’s calling  _ her _ and not Rachel. 

He sighs, shrugging his shoulders, even though he knows she can’t see him. “Because when it comes to this stuff, I trust you to be honest with me.” And it’s true. Excluding the obvious reasons of not telling Kurt because he’ll tell Rachel and not telling Rachel because he doesn’t exactly  _ want _ her to know, he does mean what he says. Of all the people Finn knows who have not only applied, but also gotten into college, he trusts Quinn the most to give him her honest, but also helpful, opinion. 

“That’s a fair point.” Quinn says and Finn hears her rustling on the other end of the phone. “So, what do you need, someone to read over your application? Help with your essay? Both of mine kicked ass, so I’m sure either way I can help.”

Finn laughs, sitting down at his desk and opening the file that holds all of his application material. He had finally finished his essay last night and while it was a definitely a  _ rough  _ draft, he was certainly more proud of it then he had been of any of his other drafts. 

“Well, I finished everything, but I just wanna make sure that I didn’t forget anything and that it’s actually, like, good.” He chuckles nervously, his hand instinctively rubbing the back of his neck. “So, if you have a minute…” 

Quinn cuts him off before he has a chance to ramble on. “Send it to me, the whole thing. I’ll look it over sometime this weekend and let you know what I think.” She pauses and Finn can picture the smile on her face. “But, I’m sure it’ll all be great, Finn. You’re way smarter than you give yourself credit for and any school that you apply to will be lucky to have you.” 

Briefly, Finn’s mind snaps back to all the times in high school where Quinn said quite the opposite to him, but he shakes the memories out before they can come too strong. It doesn’t matter what she said to him, or what he said to her, when they were fifteen and stumbling through a relationship neither one of them really wanted to be in.

What mattered was what they said to each other now. As two friends who want what’s best for each other. 

“Thanks, Quinn. I knew I could count on you.” 

“Anytime, Finn. Anytime.” 

And Finn knows she means it. 

* * *

They totally win regionals. 

It’s kind of a total takeover when Finn thinks about it, like, the other teams didn’t have a chance. Tina sang her heart out in a solo that would make Rachel, Mercedes and Kurt proud. Sam, Artie and Marley led the group in a kickass group number that had the whole crowd jumping on their feet. 

It was awesome. 

But when he’s up on stage with the club and Mr. Schue, and Blaine is jumping on him as soon as the announcer says their name, Finn can’t help but instinctively look around for Rachel, before remembering she’s not there. 

Even if he  _ so _ wishes that she was. He always does. 

* * *

Kurt, eventually, finds out about Finn applying to school. 

He really shouldn’t be surprised, at this point Kurt and Rachel are just about the only people who  _ don’t _ know and Finn should have figured it would get back to them at some point. He’s not sure if it was his mom or Santana, who found out from Quinn, who spilled the beans, but there’s nothing he can do about it now. And, realistically, it was kind of dumb to try and hide from them in the first place. 

And since Kurt knows, that also means that Rachel does too. 

Luckily, Kurt seems to be the only one who’s mad about it. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! I’m your brother.” He practically shrieks over the phone about two weeks after Regionals, and one week after Finn sent out his applications. Quinn had given him just the right amount of constructive criticism and praise for what he had already done that he felt good. 

Even though he felt like he hadn’t slept in days and he had little to no appetite, still. He felt good. 

“Dude, look, I’m sorry.” Finn tried, but he knew it wasn’t worth it. Kurt was off on one of his tangents and at this point, there was nothing Finn could really do then just let him rant. 

He managed to mainly tune out whatever Kurt was saying, which he did feel bad about but, he didn’t really matter  _ that  _ much. Kurt never really expected Finn to actually listen and respond to what he was saying. He could hear movement in the background though, and a hushed voice and his ears pricked with curiosity. 

“Who are you talking to? Or talking at, I should say.” 

Her voice cuts through him like a knife, and he’s pretty sure he can feel the air leave his lungs. It’s the first time he’s heard it since Valentine’s Day, which was over a month ago, and his body practically buzzes with excitement. 

“Finn.” Kurt says sharply, clearly still upset despite how long he had been ranting. “He applied to colleges and didn’t even bother telling me.” Finn can practically see the look on his brother’s face and he smirks. 

“Oh.” 

“Can you believe him?” Kurt says, still clearly talking to Rachel. “I had to find out from Santana, of all people, and guess who she found out from, Quinn!” 

Finn hears Rachel laugh lightly and his heart squeezes in his chest.  _ God _ , he thinks as he sighs softly,  _ I miss her so much _ . He almost feels like he can’t breathe, and he wishes he was there in person, to see the smile on her face and the brightness in her eyes. 

But he’s not. And he only has himself to blame. 

“Dude, I’m right here.” Finn says, causing Kurt to groan. Rachel giggles again and Finn can’t help the wide smile that spreads across his face. 

“I’m not speaking to you right now, I’m mad at you.” Finn knew that if they were having this conversation in person Kurt would have his arms crossed and be avoiding eye contact. “I can’t believe you told Quinn but not me, your brother!” 

“If you’re not speaking to me then why are you still talking to me?” Finn asked, amused. This was how things typically went when Kurt was mad at him. His mom liked to joke that it was perhaps the most brotherly thing about them. “And honestly, I didn’t think you would be much of a help, if you want the truth.” 

Kurt gasped, loudly, and Finn had to pull the phone away from his ear. “I am insulted!” Finn could also hear a loud sigh in the background and wondered what Kurt had knocked over in his dramatics that had Rachel groaning at him. “How dare you think that I wouldn’t be much of a help, I’m an extremely helpful person, right Rachel?” 

“I’m not saying you’re not a helpful person.” Finn says before Kurt can get into another side conversation with Rachel, who to her credit didn’t seem to answer Kurt’s question, at least not that Finn can hear. 

“Well, then what are you implying, Finn.” 

Finn sighs, wondering if it would just be worth it to hang up the phone. “I needed someone who would be able to just give me criticism and really tell me what I need to fix.” He says, waiting momentarily to see if Kurt’s going to interrupt him again. “Also, part of me didn’t want to tell you until I had already done it, that way I wouldn’t feel like I let you down if I chickened out.” 

Kurt is silent on the other end and Finn takes that as a good sign that his brother understood what he was trying to say. “You could never let me down, Finn.” He finally says after a couple of moments, and Finn smiles. 

“Thanks, dude.” The words almost get lost in his throat and he has to clear away the tears that threaten to spill over. 

“I’m still mad at you for not telling me, but I guess I get it.” Kurt says with a small sigh and Finn chuckles. “I want to be the first person you call when you get into one of these schools though, because I know you’ll get in somewhere.” 

Finn smiles. “I promise you will be the first person I tell, well besides my mom, and probably besides Sam because he’s been bothering me every single day since I sent out my applications.” 

“Honestly, all I’m asking is that you call me before you call Quinn or Santana, because I’m your brother and I deserve this kind of information. Do you know how embarrassing it would have been for me if I ran into someone like Mr. Schue and didn’t know what he was talking about if he asked about you.” 

“Why would you be running into Mr. Schue in New York?” 

“That’s not the point, Finn!” Kurt exclaims, sighing. “All I’m saying is that I want to know before your ex girlfriend who you thought was carrying your baby but wasn’t and the lesbian you lost your virginity to.” 

“Alright, noted, Kurt.” 

They hang up the phone a couple minutes later, Kurt having to cut the conversation short so he can go to class and Finn can’t help the smile that crosses his face as he throws his phone down on his bed. 

He doesn’t have much faith in himself, and he’s bracing himself for the worst with these applications. But his brother believes in him, and maybe that’s enough for right now. 

(He ignores the bubble of hope that sits on his chest that Rachel believes in him, too). 

* * *

A couple hours later his phone dings. 

**Rachel** :  _ I’m so proud of you, Finn. Any school that you applied to would be lucky to have you. You got this.  _

He has to read the words three times before they really sink in. Finn can’t help but notice that the last time she texted him was almost 3 months ago, a generic Merry Christmas text that Finn had stared at for weeks after the fact and never gathered up the courage to reply to. 

A smile crosses his face when Rachel’s words really hit him. He wonders if she understands the impact they have on him, he’s always appreciated compliments like this, people didn’t say they were proud of him very often, but they always feel extra special coming from her. 

It had always been his biggest goal, being someone that Rachel could be proud of, and while she had told him more than once that she was proud of him, it felt different this time. Before, it had always seemed like she was just saying that because she was his girlfriend, and that’s the kind of stuff girlfriends tell you when you accomplish something, but now it felt real. 

He types and retypes (and puts his phone down for five minutes while he groans into his pillow because he can’t believe he’s such a  _ dweeb _ ), his response what feels like a hundred times before he settles on something. 

**Finn** :  _ Thanks, Rach. That means a lot. I wouldn’t be here without you, so, thank you.  _

When he presses send, his heart jumps into his throat, but he feels a small grin spread across his face. He stares at his screen, waiting to see if Rachel will respond back, but she doesn’t, the words “read” sitting under his message for a couple of minutes before Finn forces himself to shut his phone off. 

Rachel’s proud of him, and that’s all he cares about. 

* * *

He gets into four of the schools he applies to. 

The first letter he gets, from Ohio States, comes the last week of April and it punches him in the gut when the opening line reads “We are so sorry…” and he doesn’t even bother to read the rest of the letter. He doesn’t bother telling anyone and for a brief second he feels like he’s back in the choir room with Rachel and Kurt reading  _ that _ rejection letter, but he forces himself to shake the feeling before he spirals. 

Besides, this time is totally different. Ohio State has a lower acceptance rate then some of the other schools he got into and Finn hadn’t even  _ really _ wanted to go there in the first place. He had only applied there because it had been where he had assumed he would end up after high school because of football. But things are different now and Finn knows there are other schools. 

Doesn’t change the fact that getting rejected fucking  _ sucks. _

He doesn’t tell anyone about the letter. He rips it up and throws it away in the trash can in Kurt’s room, where he knows his mom and Burt won’t bother looking, and shrugs when his mom asks him about the mail when they’re sitting down at dinner. 

Finn isn’t down about it for too long though, because two days later a letter from University of Toledo comes in the mail and it’s big and fat and comes in this giant envelope with smiling college students on it, and somehow he knows what the letter is gonna say before he even reads it. 

_He_ _got into college_. 

He honestly doesn’t even know how to react, does he jump up and down? That seems kind of weird because he’s the only one here, does he call his mom? No, he wants to tell her in person, he wants to see the look on her face when she tells him. He knows Kurt wanted to be the first person he calls, but honestly, there’s only one person he wants to talk to. 

“Finn? Is everything alright?” Finn’s heart is pounding in his chest and he’s smiling so wide his face hurts, and somehow he still has butterflies in his stomach at the sound of her voice. 

“Yeah, Rach, everything’s okay.” He pauses for a moment and almost backs down. Just because Rachel had texted him doesn’t mean that she suddenly wants life updates from him. But he shakes his head, forcing the thoughts from his head. 

“So, what is it?” She asks, amusement and curiosity laced in her voice. 

“I got into college.” It’s the first time he’s said it out loud and it’s when it really hits him. On the other end of the phone, Rachel shrieks, and he can practically see her jumping up and down. “University of Toledo.” 

“Finn!” She screams, “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you.” 

“Thanks.” He says, a wide smile on his face. “I didn’t get into Ohio State, but that’s okay.” He doesn’t know why he admits that to her, he still hasn’t told anyone else about it, but he’s always had a hard time keeping things from her. 

“Well, who cares what they think? It’s their loss, and clearly it’s the University of Toledo’s gain.” She says in her professional Rachel kind of way that kind of makes Finn’s heart ache. He can almost picture her as she says it, and he wishes he was telling her in person. “Did you apply anywhere else?” 

“Yeah, four other schools that I haven’t heard back from yet.” 

“I’m sure they’ll all accept you, they’d be crazy not to.” 

“Thanks, Rach.” He says, swallowing the small lump that had formed in his throat. “At least I know I got at least one place to go next year.” 

“Trust me, these schools are going to be fighting for you. You’re a hot commodity.” Finn wonders if he imagines the tone in her voice, and he gulps, pushing it away before he can get distracted by it. “But seriously, this is amazing. I’m so proud of you.” 

“I’m pretty proud of me too. After last year, I didn’t think I would ever know what it was like to hold a college acceptance letter in my hand.” 

“I always knew that you could do it.” She says softly, and Finn’s stomach twists as he smiles. There’s definitely truth to her words, she was always the person that believed in Finn the most last year, and before that, even when he didn’t have it in him to believe in himself. “We’ll have to celebrate next time we see each other.” 

Finn scrunches his eyebrows together in confusion, wondering if she’s planning on coming home anytime soon, but he doesn’t ask any questions. “I know that you did, and yeah, we should.” 

There’s a small pause and Finn tries to think of what to say, there are so many things he  _ wants  _ to say.

_ I miss you.  _

_ I wish you were here.  _

_ I still love you. _

But luckily, Rachel says something before Finn can open his mouth and totally mess up the pleasant conversation they’re having. 

“I, unfortunately, have to go. I have a late shift at the diner that starts in like fifteen minutes.” She groans and Finn chuckles, he remembered that Kurt had mentioned him, Rachel and Santana working at a diner to help pay for rent and honestly, the idea of any of them doing any kind of service work is kinda beyond him. “But, I really am super proud of you, and thank you so much for telling me.” 

Finn may be slow sometimes, but he’s able to read between the lines and understand what Rachel is  _ really _ thanking him for. She’s thanking him for still considering her an important part of his life, an important enough person that he would share this kind of information with. 

“Yeah, of course. I couldn’t imagine telling anyone else.” He says, and he means it too. “Just uh, do me a favor?” 

“Of course.” 

“Don’t tell Kurt I told you. I kinda promised him he would be the first person I called and I don’t wanna ruin that for him even though I totally told you first.” Rachel laughs, and Finn’s heart practically flutters in his chest. 

“Ok, I promise I won’t tell him. I’ll even act shocked when he tells me. It’ll be good practice for my summer acting class.” 

The two of them say their goodbyes and Finn tries not to linger as he hangs up the phone, sighing as he sets it down on the counter. He knows that Kurt will probably find out that he wasn’t the first to know, and he’s sure Sam will be offended that he wasn’t called right away, but it feels, right, that Rachel was the first to know. 

She had always been the one to believe in him, and he always knew that he wanted to share a moment like this with her. 

That night his mom makes him his favorite dinner and gushes about how proud she is, while Burt claps him on the shoulder and calls him son. And when Finn calls Kurt that night his brother shrieks nearly as loud as Rachel has and when he shouts to Rachel and Santana in excitement, Finn knows that Rachel is putting on the performance of her life acting like she didn’t already know. 

All and all, it’s a really good day. 

In the next couple weeks Finn gets four more letters, three of them are acceptance letters, including one to Ohio University that offers him a pretty good scholarship, and one rejection (Kent State, which kinda sucks, but it’s the last letter he gets so by that point he’s already gotten four acceptance letters, so he doesn’t mind that much). 

With each letter, he does the same thing, and every time Rachel is the first person he tells. 

And he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

* * *

New Directions comes in second at Nationals. 

It’s a tough competition, but the group does an amazing job and in the end, he knows that they did their best and Finn can only hope they don’t get too down on themselves. The plane ride back to Ohio is quiet and Finn sits next to Artie, who whispers that he hoped that they would win so that him, Tina, Blaine and Sam could have that awesome senior victory moment that he had last year. 

Finn feels bad that he has no idea what to say. 

After Nationals, the rest of the year goes by pretty quickly. Finn still comes to school every day, even though there isn’t much left for him to do, but the glee club still hangs out in the choir room and jam out during their free periods and after school, so it ends up being worth it. 

On the last day of school Mr. Schue throws a party, for the whole club and for Finn too. The part about it being for him is totally a surprise and Finn is  _ totally  _ shocked when he notices that the cake Emma brought in had Ohio University (where Finn had decided to go) logos all over it. 

He almost cries. 

Actually, that’s a lie, he totally does cry, but he’s pretty sure Sam and Tina are the only ones who notice and god bless them, they don’t say anything. 

“Hey, can I say something real quick, Mr. Schue?” The party has died down a little bit, everyone is scattered around the room, empty plates of cake on the chairs and everyone looks tired and full. 

“Of course, Finn.” 

Clearing his throat, Finn steps into the middle of the room, and it hits him that this might be the last time he does this. Sure, he totally plans on coming back and visiting, but he’s probably never gonna be in here, with this group, ever again. 

“I just wanna say that, this year has been one of the best years of my life.” He already feels himself getting choked up, and he clears his throat. He knows he can’t look in the corner, where the pocket of seniors sit, especially at Artie and Tina, who have been with him on this journey since the beginning, so he focuses on Marley, who is sitting in the middle of the room, a small smile on her face. “Even if it didn’t start that way.

“When I came back to McKinley after getting discharged from the army, I had no idea where I was going with my life. But you all showed me the way. You showed me where I wanted to go with my life, and what I want to do, and I couldn’t thank you enough. I wouldn’t be standing here without any of you, and I certainly wouldn’t be taking the next step forward in my life if it wasn’t for any of you either.

“So, uh, thank you. It’s been awesome teaching, well helping teach you guys. I hope the next group of kids I teach are as awesome as you guys.” 

The club claps for him and it doesn’t take long before they’re all tackling him in a giant group hug and Finn feels someone wiping tears on his back and squeezes Tina extra hard when he realizes it’s her. He doesn’t ever want the moment to end. 

“Thanks, Finn.” Marley says to him when most of the club have stepped away, starting to throw away their trash and conversation shifting to their summer plans. “When we needed someone to step up and be there for us, you were, so thank you.” 

She gives him a small hug, and Finn’s pretty sure it’s going to be a long time before he feels this good about himself and about everything in his life again. He catches Sam’s eye, whose standing by the drumset with Blaine and Tina, and Sam smiles at him, wide and bright, and Finn’s heart feels warm and fuzzy in his chest. 

Mr. Schue comes over then, clapping him on the shoulder. “Couldn’t have done any of this without you this year, Finn. In fact, New Directions wouldn’t be close to where it is now without you.” 

“And the same could be said for New Directions. I don’t know where I would be if I had never joined, probably some guy down on his luck with nowhere to go, so thank you, Mr. Schue, for helping me find myself.” 

Mr. Schue gives Finn a smile, and Finn swears he sees tears in his eyes, and he swallows down his own, hot, heavy tears that are threatening to form and bubble in the back of his throat. He takes a moment then, to look around the room, at all the glee kids, who are smiling and laughing, even the seniors, who he knows are bummed about not coming home with a trophy. 

They’ve all grown so much since when Finn first met all of them, and he feels proud to say that he had a hand in helping at least some of them get to where they are now. 

_ So, yeah _ , he thinks with a smile.  _ It’s been a pretty good year. _

What he doesn’t realize, however, is that the best is only yet to come. 

**Author's Note:**

> the rest of the fic is going to be each of finn's four years at college with each year getting it's own chapter, my plan was for this chapter to be shorter and the rest to be closer to this length, but who knows maybe the rest of the chapters will be hella long. we shall see. hopefully this was a good first chapter, it's been so long since i've written a glee fic that my characterization might be a tad off but i'm hoping to grow into it a little more as i keep writing. 
> 
> but please, let me know what you think! also if you're on tumblr and want to talk to me there, you can find me at the username mikewheeler!


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